We are all so blessed

I’m very aware of the fact that most of my posts are negative and depressing- making me look like I’m always unhappy, ungrateful and often, mentally unwell. I probably am all of those things. But it’s days like this (days when I’m not PMS’ing lol) when I sit down and think about how amazing my life is- how I’d like to live this way forever. Sheltered, living with a lack of responsibilities, facing problems that are probably a fraction of what real life problems are like, living in a time and age when both my parents are alive and happy…and a feeling that tells me that my youth has just begun.

I don’t know how much longer I’ll get to live the luxury of following the routine of a student. Exams, sleeping and waking up late, socializing with friends during school, making fun of teachers, cramming last minute for final exams, taking part in student activities, chilling during a three month summer vacation and most of all, dreading going back to school after this long break. It passes by so fast, and has been doing so, that one doesn’t realize how it went by. I love the feeling of still being able to avoid responsibilities that I know I should be taking charge of; but I have an excuse: I’m young and don’t need to if I don’t want to. I can lay in my air conditioned room, watch Friends episodes all day, spend hours on Facebook without feeling like the pressure of life on my shoulders. I can rest against the softness of my pillow and write without a care in the world that I have an exam tomorrow morning.

I’m so lucky to have had ample opportunities all throughout my life and an amazing set of parents who’ve literally given their lives for my brother and I. I can’t imagine living without them. As much as I would like to explore the world on my own and be independent, in this very moment I’d like things to stay the way they are. I’d like my parents to never die or suffer in any way. I’d like to go to school everyday of my life. I’d like to have fights with my mom about late-night curfews. I’d like to get wasted at a club without caring how I old I am. Id like to preserve every inch of my youth and all the benefits that come along with it.

I graduate in 8 months or so. I’d very much like to slow things down and live like I’m never going to grow older and step into the real world. The real world scares me. It means change. It means that I’m way behind at this point in time. It means that I have to grow up. It means that I’ll never get this time back.
I love the way things are right now despite whatever other problems I go through. Doesn’t everyone have problems?

I’m so blessed. I have love, I have life, I have resources, I have intellect, I have health, I have enough money, I have education, I have friends, I have opportunities, I have memories, I have sense, I have family- I have the future.

Generation Lost

We’re a closed off generation- a generation motivated by so-called strength and power, repulsed by weakness and emotions. We drive ourselves on pent up frustration masked behind false exteriors; our lives are governed by passive-aggression, weak impulse control abilities and an array of unresolved conflicts. But why? Is it weak of us to experience pain and anxiety? Does it make us less “legit”? Do hiding, denying our truths and regressing from our true selves make us better human beings? The answers to all these questions are, obviously, subjective; but in my time of observing those around me- friends, coworkers, family members etc- I cannot help but notice that the trend of projecting certain cemented carvings of oneself to others is just part of the norm.

We are slowly but surely forgetting the importance of feeling, of living in the moment with our emotions, of being able to identify how we feel- often, in response to the notorious “How do you feel?” you’re more likely to receive an “I don’t know” or “I’m great!” rather than that specific adjective you’re looking for. We’ve become to used to the pretentious facades that we desperately try to uphold in social situations that we’ve forgotten what it’s like to feel…to hurt, to despair, to be weak, to be elated- to be in touch with ourselves. It’s rather sad. I, myself am a victim of this malice, unfortunately. But who can we blame? It’s not as if we conspired with each other to create this virus.

Really?

 I’m not too sure about that. Humans are selfish beings- we are the center of our respective universes. No one is allowed to enter beyond a certain a locus-  something that we should respect about one another- it’s the legitimate privacy that someone should be endowed with. However, at the other end of the spectrum lies the child within us- the aspect of our self which seeks to expose and express itself honestly and freely. It is this part of ourselves that we fear to let other people see.

Our frailty is, now, thought of as something that other people can’t handle- afterall, everyone is too submerged in their own selfish needs and desires to want to accept added baggage on their shoulders. Thus, in response, we tend to mask ourselves- we want to be the heroes- the Batman’s and the Superman’s and the Wonderwoman’s of the world- so much so, that we forget that it’s okay to be weak once in a while. It’s okay to sit down, cry and think about everything that has gone wrong in our lives. It’s okay to miss someone you’re not “supposed” to miss. It’s okay to tell someone that you’re going to miss them after they leave. It’s okay to hug someone when you feel like it. None of the above (and other things) make us weaker human beings- in effect, they just prove that, at the end of the day, we’re just humans. We’re meant to feel. We’re supposed to feel that anxious knot in our stomachs when something bad happens. We’re supposed to cry when someone hurts us. We’re supposed to sweat and palpitate when in danger. We’re supposed to smile and laugh when we’re happy about something. There’s no point in trying to hide it, to mask it, to not act upon a feeling if you feel it coming- someday or the other, it IS going to come out- in one way or the other. Why wait?

What we need now, in today’s messed up robotic world, is a release, an expansion of one’s locus of interest and a greater endeavor to feel ourselves and reach that self-actualising potential that is impatiently waiting to be discovered within each and every one of us.